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Humor
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Send your good, clean jokes and
anecdotes and
we'll post them here. |
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Spell
Checker Poem
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-Sauce unknown
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DID
YOU KNOW..........
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child
reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full
moon.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would
never end because of the rate of reproduction.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never
stop growing. (that explains a lot)
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left
hand, "lollipop" with your right.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel
that it burns.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start
with.
The words 'racecar' and 'kayak' are the same whether they are read left to
right or right to left.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an
average of 6 months waiting at a red light.
In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a
watch face is 10:10.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;
otherwise it will digest itself.
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in
order:"abstemious" and "facetious."
There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs
five times: "indivisibility."
The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were
three gifts.
Did you know that crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live?
That means that if you put a baby croc in an aquarium, it would be little
for the rest of its life.
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is
a skein
.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye".
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses
every letter of the alphabet.
The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is
"uncopyrightable."
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A
little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the
offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster
piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm
under five."
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his
cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you
know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it
up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced
to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow
up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on
Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than
to sit and listen."
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service:
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed
trash against us."
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you
know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh,
then why do you keep crossing things out?"
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy,
if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed
all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three
times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he
wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you
guys!"
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite
Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people
on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must
be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the
fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius the Pilot.
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you
say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny
replies, "I don't have to. My mom is a good cook."
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
standon a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A
stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the
character would plunge through. The play was well received.
When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite
overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend
into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his
plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope
could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is
full!"
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First
Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year
old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.
About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you
don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have
to start his sermon all over again!'
It worked."
?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?ø?º°'°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°'°º?
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and
reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own
cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make
you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a
long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "grandpa, did God
make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made
you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting
better at it, isn't he?" |
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